Credit: Gabriel Alenius / Unsplash.com
I grew up in Northwestern Pennsylvania. It is the land of the Allegheny National Forest. There are beautiful state and national parks, hiking trails, fishing, hunting… and it is also home to the three words I dread most, “lake effect snow.”
In a short description, lake effect snow occurs when cold air, typically from the Canadian border, blows southward, moving across open waters of the Great Lakes. When that air mass runs over the unfrozen (warmer than the air) water, it gains warmth from it. And more importantly, and to the point, it gains moisture. This means that a rather low-key Canadian snow squall can turn into a massive blizzard for those living near the lakes.
For me, and in a less short and more frustrating description, it meant things like a delayed high school graduation (getting “fake” empty holders without diplomas due to snow day regulations). It meant never, not once, having a Halloween that didn’t require putting a warm winter coat OVER our costumes, rather negating the entire point of dressing up in the first place. It meant, and I’m not remotely exaggerating, at times getting my neighbor and classmate, Scott, picking me up on his snowmobile and driving me to elementary school. It meant, (again not joking at all, my mom had pictures to prove it) canceling school on May 13 because we had FEET of snow (we even built a seven-foot snowman to commemorate the day. It meant, as recently as this February, having to cancel a visit with college roommates to remember back and pretend we are still 21.
Don’t get me totally wrong. I absolutely love having four, clear seasons. It sure beat Philly Burbs’ two days of spring and one, if we’re lucky, of fall. And the snow can be beautiful, though I mostly prefer it from about Dec. 20 to Jan. 2, and I would be completely fine if I never saw it any other day of the year.
Beyond disappointments, cancelled plans, and difficulties obtaining transportation that only other lake effect snow-impacted children could understand, snow also means another of my pet peeves: bad drivers. I get it. We all did not grow up with this stuff. Some had southern or California childhoods, free from that white stuff completely. Some had just limited exposure in far warmer climates than Northwestern Pennsylvania. I get it.
But now, I giggle when my brother and sister’s Virginia-based schools call out for a single flake of snow. I laugh when Philly friends call a short dusting a “white out.”
But one thing I’ve never been very patient with is traffic. I always told my kids swearing had its place: watching sports games, playing video games (especially Mario Kart, I mean c’mon…), and in traffic; it was the trifecta of spaces mom was cleared to use any language she must. These are situations where control over one’s frustrations just can’t be bottled up. And yes, this resulted in a pig-tailed toddler shouting, “what the [f-worded expletive deleted]” from her backseat car seat on more than one occasion. I admit it was never my strong suit, cleaning up the cussing. By elementary school I gave up altogether and aimed, instead, to teach my children the lesson of “there’s a time and a place.”
I digress. Winter drivers are one of the most frustrating, anger-inducing, and confusion-causing occurrences in the free world to me. For one, if you don’t know how to drive in it, don’t. Stay home. For another, going 15 with blinkers on in the left passing lane of a highway is NOT increasing safety for ANYONE.
Deep breaths … I recently had the experience of being unable to avoid a drive in such conditions. Criss-crossing the state of Pennsylvania, in semi-snowy weather (not nearly the worst of what I’ve seen, nor have driven in) and I could not BELIEVE the insanity. A string of EIGHT vehicles, all operating blinkers, going barely 15 ON AN INTERSTATE!? A semi-truck taking a nonexistent “third” lane to pass vehicles driving two-wide along a backroad. It was complete and utter chaos. And a drive that should have been three hours turned into five. And no matter how good I am at driving, and not matter how much experience I have driving in poor weather, it cannot prevent the insanity of others.
I’ve always feared other drivers far more than anything I could do behind a wheel. It is a lack of control, and for an Alpha Female, those are words we struggle with in any situation. Others are going to do what they’re going to do, and when it happens behind a wheel, the best game you can play is a defensive one.
I do have a solution, and since I offer those “two free pennies,” you must want to know what my suggestion is, right? There should be a unique driver’s license for winter weather. Should a winter weather advisory be issued, only those with winter licenses should operate vehicles. (While we are at it, we could retest those over the age of 75 to be sure they are still capable of making the quick decisions required of traffic in these parts.)
If only the world operated the way I think it should… I’m kidding… mostly. But in no sarcastic tone whatsoever, please. If you want to know what you can do to improve your winter driving skills, the answer is simple: please don’t. Just stay home. Stay safe. And wait for nice weather.
